


I'll Come Back Home To You

by brave_as_bear



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Domestic Fluff, M/M, Probably ooc, This Is STUPID, Tickle Fights, au where everything is the same but hisoka is a decent person and illumi is a good big brother, author really thinks they've done something with this, light manga spoilers, no beta we die like men, this is a Kalluto appreciation post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26371768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brave_as_bear/pseuds/brave_as_bear
Summary: After death briefly claims Hisoka after his big fight Illumi proves to be quite the difficult ex-widow.I'm so sorry, I really suck at writing summaries.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 8
Kudos: 179





	I'll Come Back Home To You

**Author's Note:**

> This fic sprouted from my headcanon that after Hisoka (breifly) dies Illumi won't stop acting like a dramatic widowed woman and just pretends like Hisoka isn't there to get on his nerves (and it works)  
> I you like this silly little fic!  
> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/88735055137017498/  
> ^^ that is what I imagine Illumi to be wearing btw

"Alright, you can stop now, Illumi dear," Hisoka grumbled to his lover as he had the door shut on his face for the 12th time that week.

Illumi threw his black coat dramatically over his shoulders as he headed to the elevator of where Hisoka was living in the Heavens Arena building. He dabbed at non-existent tears and sniffed, clutching the fine string of pearls around his neck.

"Sometimes I can still hear his voice," Illumi said with as much watery emotion as he could muster. Which was not much, but it was the thought that counted.

It was a very awkward elevator ride as Illumi continued to ignore Hisoka's presence along with all the pokes and prods that came with it.

The two went to check out of the arena when some unfortunate soul decided to comment on the ravenette's attire.

"Where ya' goin' lady? Ya' look like yer dressed for a funeral!"

Illumi gazed down at his outfit. He was wearing a black styled trench coat over sleek black lace front gown with a slits up the sides, showing off his toned legs, silk gloves that ran up to the middle of this biceps and devastatingly high red bottomed black heels.

He looked back to the man.

"First of all, that's _sir_ to you. Second, my husband has just left me widowed so I believe it is appropriate for me to dress in this way, not that it concerns you, no?" the man simply blinked at him.

"I- I'm so sorry… uh… sir," he stuttered with an awkward chuckle and scurried off muttering something about 'young people these days'.

Hisoka on the other hand was rubbing his face in his palms.

"How long are you going to keep this up? I was dead for like three minutes! That was it!" He flailed his arms dramatically.

Illumi continued to ignore.

Hisoka turned sharply towards the woman in the ticket booth.

"You can see me right? I'm not just going crazy?" She nodded at him with wide eyes, "Thank god… okay. That's a relief." 

The chime of the automatic doors alerted him that Illumi was up and leaving without him so he hurried on out after the black clad man.

The two got into a taxi (Illumi had scooted over so at least Hisoka had somewhere to sit). Illumi sighed.

"All this money and I've not a clue where to spend it." He said with mock sadness. 

"Oh no you don't! Damn I knew it was a gamble getting that joint bank account!" Hisoka huffed.

Illumi had to stifle a laugh. Of all the time they had known each other Illumi had never quite been able to set Hisoka off as he had now. He could practically see the frustration leaking out of the pink haired man's pores. Years and years of masking emotions was the only thing saving Illumi from blowing his cover.

"My apartment will be so lonely without my beloved with me… although he was quite a bother oftentimes," Illumi admitted and paid no mind to the sharp shove that Hisoka gave him in the cramped backseat. "I'm just so grateful those kind people at the Arena let me take a look around his room one last time!"

Illumi cut off into another round of fake sobs. Which, Hisoka noted, were eerily convincing, having almost sent him into cardiac arrest the first time he saw Illumi do it. 

The ride to Illumi's apartment was short and the driver didn't ask any questions besides their destination which was good considering Hisoka himself didn't quite know what the fuck was going on.

Illumi unlocked the door and swung it closed after walking through. Once again almost taking out the man walking behind him. 

There was a small boy sitting on his living room sofa.

"Sup Illu-nii."

"Kalluto…" Illumi said. "How are you?"

"I'm good, the troupe is in town so I thought I'd swing by and say hello," he told him. A confused look crossed his face and he began to look around. "Where's the clown?"

"Oh, _come on!_ Not you, too! I've been putting up with this for the past week and a half. I am tired and hungry and do _not_ need this right now!" Hisoka shouted, heading into the kitchen to scavenge whatever he could from Illumi's fridge.

Kalluto giggled, hiding his face in his hand.

"I'm grieving, Kalluto. And you laugh. A little respect, please," Illumi tutted, shaking his head.

The giggle did not go unnoticed by Hisoka either, who snaked back into the living room, still chewing half a cheese stick.

"I know you can see me, little one" he singsonged.

Kalluto pointedly avoided Hisoka with his eyes, looking in a different direction every time the man tried to jump in his line of sight.

"Hmmm…" Hisoka hummed, "I think this calls for some special torture tactics."

A smile grew on his face as Kalluto's eyes widened.

"Ones that not even the _Phantom Troupe_ knows of. Yes, I think so."

Hisoka's smile was wide and full of teeth as he headed towards Kalluto with wiggling fingers.

Kalluto wailed with heavy laughter as Hisoka tickled relentlessly at his sides. He gasped for breath, slapping at the man's hands, begging him to stop 

"I won't stop until you say hello to me!" He mused.

Kalluto made a valiant effort, but, as he was still just a boy, could not withstand the tickle torture.

"Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll say it! I'll say it!" He shrieked.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, to Kalluto at least, Hisoka withdrew his hands.

"I want to hear it loud and clear 'hello Hisoka!'" Hisoka mimicked the boy's high pitched voice.

Kalluto rolled his eyes.

"Hello, Hisoka," he droned.

"That's my boy!" Hisoka praised excitedly, clapping, choosing to ignore the blusht that had formed on the child's cheeks. "Now what do you say we work together and get big brother to crack, huh?"

Kalluto only grinned back at him and looked to Illumi who was staring at the wall opposite to them (but had previously been watching the whole ordeal with a rare caring smile on his face).

"I think that sounds good to me," Kalluto told Hisoka.

Hisoka leaned to whisper in his ear.

"On the count of three, okay?"

Kalluto nodded.

Hisoka held his hand where Illumi would not be able to see it but in full view of Kalluto.

_One._ He signaled.

_Two._

_Three!_

The two of them jumped on Illumi pummeling his sides, neck, and under his arms with light tickles.

He too, made a valiant effort, but no one, not even Illumi Zoldyck himself can withstand the Morow-Zoldyck special ops tickle attack.

He usually expressionless face broke into an open mouthed grin. His laughter erupting like a sixth grade science project that went a little too well. 

Hisoka was sure it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

Illumi escaped from under Hisoka and tackled Kalluto into a tight hug, pressing small kisses to the top of his head.

"Stop! Stop! Lemme go! Illu-nii!!!!" Kalluto gasped between laughter.

"Oh he's really got you now, I don't even know if _I_ can stop him," Hisoka crooned. 

Illumi finally released Kalluto and looked over to Hisoka.

"Oh. Well hello there," he said.

"Hello yourself," Hisoka replied, sitting back down on the sofa.

"Good to have you back, my dear," Illumi told him, a playful glint dancing in his dark eyes.

"Good to be back, my love," Hisoka murmured lazily, pulling Illumi in for a gentle kiss.

They only parted when they heard Kalluto's gagging sounds.

"I get you guys are a happy couple and all but do you have to do that right here?" Kalluto complained.

"Love, I think dear little Kalluto if feeling a wee bit left out," Hisoka informed Illumi with mock seriousness.

"Yes, I would have to agree with that observation," Illumi concluded. "What do you say we do about it?"

"I know just the thing!" Hisoka exclaimed, winking at Illumi.

Kalluto, who was sandwiched between the two men scrunched up his nose as he received a kiss on the cheek from both of them simultaneously. The blush that had all but disappeared came back even brighter than before.

_"Gross!"_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I love Kalluto so so much!! He is such an underrated character that the fandom does not pay enough attention to so I'm taking it into my own hand to write some Kalluto content! It might not be perfect but I hope it may inspire others to include him in their works!  
> I hope you enjoyed!  
> Your comments fuel me to keep writing and constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated!


End file.
